So as I get going with my day, I check on my bank account. I get paid today and wasn't sure if my bonus would be there as well. No bonus and looks like the attempt I made to start a Roth to save for college for the kids didn't work. But the bad thing I stumbled upon was my escrow analysis. My mortgage is going up. I can find 1250 and it will only go up by $30 or it goes up by $125. I truly can't afford to stay here. But legally, I can't move.
I was in tears as I stared at the computer, then the baby started crying. I just wanted to run away from everything. I am just done. I need to catch a break somewhere.
As always, I pushed through my morning. I ate breakfast sitting on the living room floor so the baby could play. I got my work emails done, trying to figure out how to get everything done. Once I finished work, I decided to try something new. I took the baby outside, grabbed a blanket and some toys and plopped her down in the shade. She could see me but was far enough away to not get hit hy debris. I trimmed the bushes. Then I started in the weeding. I trimmed a tree so I will stop hitting the branches with my car. And now I have a pile of branches to haul to our compost pile. I feel marginally better. I am slightly less embarrassed by my yard. And I have some hope to continue making progress. Because if I can get the yardwork done in the mornings, I might be able to tackle the inside stuff during nap time.
I still need to move but I might not need to spend a ton to get the house in order. I remind myself that God is in control. He will make a way even though I see no way.
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