I graduated from Augustana College at Thanksgiving of 2003 and moved home to attend graduate school at DePaul University to obtain my MEd and secondary teaching certificate. All seemed to be generally moving along smoothly. Jon had proposed Oct 17, 2013 and I was spending time saving money by working as a substitute teacher. I had the opportunity to coach soccer in the spring of 2005 at Loyola Academy and landed my first job for the following fall at Warren in Gurnee. I was grateful to be asked to be part of a program partnering with IMSA and began work a week early to participate in some workshops. Because of this, I missed the yearly family vacation to Maui. As it turned out, that vacation was a major turning point for everyone in our family.
While on that vacation, my father informed my mother that he no longer wanted to be married. They had struggled previously, but had made things work when we was diagnosed with breast cancer. This time, the timing couldn't have been worse. When they came home, my dad moved out somewhat quickly. I found myself torn between my parents, not wanting to choose sides or make either one upset. I lived with my mom and found time to spend with my dad away from the house.
The worst news was yet to come, as my mom spiraled into depression. She began to have a lot of physical pain, but none of use imagined the true extent of why. After she continued to push her doctor to determine the source of the pain, some sort of scan was completed. I don't remember what it was at this time. But the scan revealed cancer. And as more tests were completed, we were all informed that the cancer was everywhere - lungs, bones, and brain. She tried some radiation, but with the extent of the cancer, nothing could be done. I will forever remember sitting by her bedside at the hospital working on my grading and lesson planning as a first year teacher. Eventually, she was moved to hospice care at home. They wouldn't give her an IV morphine drip at home, so we attempted to give her morphine orally. I am haunted to this day by her screaming when we tried to give it to her. I was still living in the house with her, so I traded caring for my mom with my siblings that came and went as their obligations to jobs and family allowed.
The end came pretty quickly. We had been trying to convince her to let us move her to inpatient hospice because they could keep her more comfortable and properly care for her. But she kept insisting she would be getting up shortly and returning to normal life. Ruth Johnson came over on a Sunday afternoon to speak with my mom. She is a nurse and something that has a deep faith. I'll never know what Ruth said to my mom, but afterwards she had found a new peace and agreed to move to inpatient. A hospital came and transported here there. We began to call everyone home because they let us know that my mom likely had less than 48 hours remaining. I called into work and let them know I would be taking Monday off.
Monday was a very long day, but all of my siblings were able to make it in and we all gathered by her bedside. My grandfather did not come in, he couldn't bare the idea of burying his only daughter. My mom seemingly waited to take her last breath until Jon had returned to be with me. I thought I understood why, but at this point in life I don't totally understand. I lost my mom at 10pm on October 17, 2005. She has missed so much of my life, and I wish often that I could sit and talk with her or get a hug from her. I know she would be so proud of all 13 (soon to be 14) grandchildren.
