Need a Miracle

 I don't even know where to begin with the past week.  Maybe I should work backwards.  Yesterday a dog I had been watching for 9 days escaped my yard and was killed by a car.  Someone removed a barrier that keeps all dogs in my yard.  A barrel stacked with 2 large logs on top closes a gap between fences just big enough for a dog to fit through.  I can't see it from my house because bushes block the way.  Why would someone move the barrier?  Was it the neighbor behind me that may have done it in the past?  Or was this possibly someone else that is trying to cause difficulty in my life?  Well, they killed a sweet, lovable dog that was one of the most important things to the owner.  I couldn't say anything to them except I'm sorry.  Much of yesterday morning was spent in tears.

Maybe I won't work in any order whatsoever.  Last Sunday, my baby girl was sick.  She woke up at 1am burning up, her temp was 103.  This came out of nowhere.  He breathing was rapid, but that was it.  I spent the morning at the ER, as acetaminophen only brought the fever down to 100 and didn't change the breathing.  But of course her breathing was fine there.  We came home and battled her fever the rest of the day.  It reached a high of 104.8 around 3pm.  That was 4 hours after ibuprofen and 1 hour after acetaminophen.  I forced her into the bathtub and luckily she fussed but didn't scream.  We got the fever down to 101.  She slept and nursed nearly the entire day.  At least she was going through plenty of soaked diapers.  I gave her a final round of ibuprofen at around 2am Monday morning and she slept okay after that.  Monday her fever was up and down all day.  Still nursing and sleeping frequently.  Tuesday she was fever free, but still very lethargic, sleeping much of the day.  But by Wednesday, she woke up ready to play.  I treasured her smiles so much that day after being so scared for her.  Peculiarly, none of the nurses or doctors that listened to her heart at the hospital heard her murmur.  So there is a possibility her heart has healed itself.  I guess I will learn more at her 9 month check-up at the beginning of November.  Until then, I'm enjoying her smiles and development.

The final stressor was of course my exhusband.  He attempted to use my baby being sick as a way to say we should be wearing masks more.  Um, she didn't get covid.  In fact, she didn't have the flu or RSV.  Kids get sick.   It sucks, it's scary, but it happens.  We don't need to hide from germs.  Getting sick and recovering is actually how our immune systems are built up.  I now have some evidence of just how self-serving he is though.  On Wednesday, he demanded the kids wear a mask in his car.  They got upset, refused to it, and then acted out towards him.  Both kids are fully aware that their behavior was inappropriate.  In fact, I fully believe they knew at the time that their behavior was wrong, but did it anyway.  Because after begin treated poorly for so long, they want to try to hurt him back.  After this incident, I of course have received multiple emails delineating what they did.  He skipped where they asked him somewhat nicely to leave.  He ignored them when they demanded he leave them alone.  But according to him, they made all the mistakes that night.

Luckily, the kids have some solid counselors.  So now we wait for the counselors to has things out and show me the way forward.

Have to go, the baby is waking up for a nearly 2 hour nap in her crib.  

Reaching my limit

Something has got to give. I am at my breaking point. Last Friday I was asked to pick my son up from school. He was having an anxiety attack and mentioned covid symptoms. My ex of course tried to make it into a fight. Because I was focused on tasks in front of me - picking J up, talking to the school nurse, continuing with work, taking care of my baby, getting J to urgent care for a covid test - I didn't respond to his email asking for more details for about 2 hours. Because of the delay, he blew up my phone. This was completely unacceptable. He never once followed up to see how James was doing after I sent the test results. 

Thankfully, I didn't hear from him until Wednesday. But he has decided J can't attend his martial arts classes. Due to his tone when speaking to the owner, the owner hung up on him. The owner called me to discuss options to keep J in the program because he loves it. He ended our call requesting that my ex not enter the facility going forward. Yet somehow my ex firmly believes he has done nothing wrong. 

Ex was not here to talk to or take J to class by 4:35pm, so I took him. This turned into another situation where ex decided it was acceptable to blow up my phone - 2 texts, 3 calls and 2 voice mails - 0 emails. I had the volume off and was getting everyone into my car and then driving so wasn't paying attention to my phone. When I got home I let him know that the harassing communication needed to stop or I would block his number. This response was apparently not appreciated. 

I am just sick of being taken advantage of. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, show up when it's convenient for him and I have to go along with it. That's just not how it's going to be.

I let ex know that we will consider a different activity when he takes the time to find something that fits our schedule and budget. As anticipated, he refuses to put forth any effort. So we continue forward with our plan until he proposes something we could consider. 

The latest thing is requiring both children to wear a mask in his car. When we will he stop using covid as a way to get out of being a parent? I get it, he's terrified of getting sick. But he's vaccinated, so why is he still terrified? I will not allow his fear to run our lives. C refused to even speak to him when he came today.

I'm still hoping he forgets about the petition to move. Less than 2 weeks remains. I am so tired and I need to be done. I am ready to move forward with my life.