Patience gives results

 The last month has been a bit stressful financially.  But everything was solved in under 24 hours.  My former insurance company, Branch Insurance, had sent multiple levels informing me my home policy would not be renewed because they were no longer insuring IL houses.  As a consequence, I found a new company, and am saving money.  But somehow, they still billed my mortgage company, so I paid premiums for 2 policies.  It then took them over 6 weeks to send me a refund for over $1700!  That check arrive yesterday.  The second issue was that I was not receiving child support/alimony.  I have no idea what the problem was, but a deposit arrive in my account today for over $3700.  I get $1375 per paycheck, so you can imagine how not having this money was significant to me.  I'm actually looking forward to paying bills and settling my accounts next Thursday at the end of the month now.  And I was able to buy my son shoes he needs.

I am attempting to get myself back in shape.  I am creating my own weight training plan and so far have followed it M/W/F, with trying to get in extra steps on the other days.  These next 2 days may be tough, but if I can't get outside Thursday due to the weather, I have the rowing machine in the basement set up.  I'm not taking a before picture yet because I'm embarrassed of what I look like.  But the first positive that I've noted is a decreasing resting heart rate.  It was scarily high to me, around 74 fairly consistently.  But as I've worked out the last 10 days, it has come down to 66 as of today.  I'm hoping to see this get down to 60 or below again.  I am enjoying the strength training and look forward to the other benefits of tone and weight loss over the weeks to come.  I seem to be sleeping better already as well, which is nice.

I am enjoying letting my youngest be more relaxed the last few days as well.  With my older 2 in school, we get a lot of time to just walk, visit parks, and play together.  Her library programs haven't started yet and I'm actually debating if I want to have her there twice a week because she seems to be so engaged in just exploring her world.  She has taken to picking dandelions.  And yesterday on an evening walk we stopped to watch a bunny and 2 squirrels.  She likes to pick up rocks, sticks, and other items just to carry.  I try to talk to her about what she's seeing to encourage her speech.  It's been a wonderful time and I'm really looking forward to watching her development this school year.

God is providing.  Through it all, that's the constant.  And I cling to that.  There are more storms right now that I'm not ready to write about.  I'm focused on the rainbows, because I need to color and sunshine before I just hit the wall.  God will carry my through, and I'll just keep praying every night that He will provide me with wisdom to guide my kids each day.

So many thoughts

The past few months have been crazy. And I have so many thoughts swirling through my head lately. Where to begin.

I have a 15yo that I don't know what to do with. Although I feel there's a glimmer of hope this past week. We seem to have narrowly missed sending her to an inpatient treatment program to deal with her mental health. Now we are pursuing counseling twice a week. I have no idea if it's helping. She is still lying and sneaking around, pushing back on expectations. But it seems to be at a more typical teenager level for now. I am hoping that this sticks and she is willing to put in the work to get to a more normal life.

Still basically silence from the kids' father. Although no child support for 3 payment cycles. He has promised it's coming early next week. The state has no idea. And the modification department seems to be just utterly confused.

My 13yo son seems to generally be doing okay. Except he appears to hate school to a level I never imagined. The other day we were talking with others about start and end times and wandered around to how my youngest won't ever have to get up for school. I joked that he was jealous of that. His response was that it had nothing to do with time, but that he is glad she will never have to experience because "it is hell." I was caught off guard by that, because he has had a much better attitude since we moved. It seems the social issues are better, but he hates the academics. He would benefit so much from moving at his own pace!

My youngest will be 2.5 tomorrow. She's laying next to me now, resting after a busy and active day for her. Her sleep has been so much better the last month, even with our vacation. I think we are both feeling more rested as she is no longer up multiple times a night.  Her speech is improving, she has physically grown a ton, and I just did the 30m screening and she passed everything with flying colors. I keep debating whether I should be trying to do a preschool program with her this year or not. I honestly can't remember when I started with the other 2, but I'm thinking they were 3. So maybe just another year of tons of books. I should probably do more art with her. Definitely something to keep in mind this winter if we get stuck inside, or rainy days. I need to not get stuck in a run and try to keep exposing her to new things.

We went on an amazing vacation. I seriously didn't want to come home. My dream for traveling in a camper is even more pronounced. There is so much of this country I've never seen. And there is so much to learn by visiting places with rich history. The traveling becomes more affordable if you don't have to pay for hotels constantly. And it seems there may even be some places where you could park for a night or 2 free before moving on. Definitely have things I will be researching in 3 years when my middle son is getting closer to graduating high school. I think we could have an amazing time and my youngest would learn so much. 

I will be starting a mom's group and likely a Bible study this fall. I am looking forward to the time with other moms and am hopeful of making friends for my youngest. Nothing else seems to have worked so far. I think it starts in a month, so looking forward to that journey. 

I feel jumbled lately. I started work on repairing the exercise room. I believe it will only require a maximum of 4 cuts to put the wall back up. So if I do 1 week, I will have the room ready enough to return to exercising by September. Maybe I will be able to work quicker if everything aligns well. Once this room is done, I will be putting exercise as a priority before other household projects. Although I am thinking that without tutoring this year, I can take a couple hours each weekend to tackle something around the house and still have 1 day to relax and focus on the family. I am settling into a more relaxed lifestyle and I am looking forward to it. Hopefully it will result in some weight loss as I work on moving more, strength training, and eventually returning to my fasting. My youngest needs to decide she no longer wants to nurse first though. She will be my longest for that.

It's nice to feel more grounded. And I'm pretty sure that focusing on reading the Bible 2x/day fairly consistently has helped with that. God is truly in control and I look forward to what He has planned for tomorrow. Because I have learned to roll with the punches a bit more and am trying to just wait for what is coming. In the meantime, I am certainly enjoying this little one.