Sometimes Moving is the Answer

 Last Spring, we had had enough.  The kids couldn't manage the bullying at their schools anymore.  And the school was doing nothing about it.  Who lets kids open the emergency door on a bus while the bus is moving with no consequences?  Who lets kids throw items while a bus is moving?  Who lets a kid threaten another student in front of a staff member with no consequences?  I'm all for meeting a child where they are at.  I parent from a perspective of "treat the cause."  But sometimes, consequences are necessary.  You can't respect the rules?  You lose privileges.  And taking the bus to school in middle school when there's a safe bike bath to walk along, is a privilege.  Getting to attend gym class can become a privilege.  But apparently not where we were.  So we packed up the house and had an adventure of a summer for 3 weeks before landing in our new place.  I will get back to that as well.

But now, we're planted, unlikely to move until my middle child finishes high school in 2028.  And so far, this move seems to be improving life.  Both kids are looking forward to attending school.  The oldest is a freshman and involved in speech team (despite a deathly fear of public speaking,) helping in a special needs classroom, involved in the high school youth group, and doing gymnastics.  She is starting to make friends, although she's yet to see any outside the school day.  We are only about 6 weeks into school.  My middle no longer begs to stay home regularly.  This makes life so much better!  He even has nearly all A's!  He has a couple buddies next door, plays online with a couple friends from school, and is enjoying his soccer, trampoline, and parkour.  What a difference having a school environment where the kids feel welcomed instead of ostracized!

My youngest is thriving as well.  We're dealing with a slight speech delay, but she is coming along.  I am enjoying taking her to library class as well as gymnastics and spending lots of time at the park.  As she gets older and begins to speak some preferences, I am looking forward to beginning our homeschool journey together.  I am hoping to begin meeting some other moms in the area that I can connect with, both to provide her some playdates and to have a bit more adult interaction.  

The storms are not over, we still have some significant dark clouds hanging over us.  But I'm trying to focus on the light that God is sending through the darkness.  I am trusting that in all of this, He has a plan.  I don't know what that plan is and many days I wonder why am I at this place in life.  But I also have confidence that the healing and restoration that God promised to me in July of 2019 is coming.  I pray that it's coming soon, because I am starting to get a bit tired.  Until then, I hang on and trust that all the trials and the pain have a purpose.  And focus on the prairie just down the road.

First Birthday

Dear Lilli,

Yesterday you turned 1! Happy birthday. This past year has gone by so quickly. I am so glad that God chose me to be your mother. You have a strong bond with both your brother and sister. We all love your snuggles and adore your hugs and kisses.

You are a master at climbing up things and love to push objects around the house instead of walking. We often call this "Lilli relocation services." You do a good job playing independently, as long as you know we are nearby. You are developing a love for books, which is so important for life.

I am enjoying watching you grow. I pray every day that God will heal your heart so you never need surgery. You are growing big and strong, so it is quite possible that your heart will be healed. Most importantly, I want you to grow up knowing God. He is the most amazing, loving father you will ever know. I pray that you will see this love through me, your siblings, and our church.

I am looking forward to this next year with you as you begin to walk and talk. We are sure to have many adventures and I'm looking forward to the time we have together. Never forget how much I love you and that I will always be here for you. 

Love, Mom

Need a Change

Hitting the wall lately. Work is going fine, finishing by lunch most days. I'm 60% of the way done with my classes for certification. I need to find time to go get fingerprinted again. I will be taking a day off every pay cycle until I'm ready for a longer vacation. So nothing much to complain about. 

My ex is still causing issues. He's trying to convince the kids to get the covid shot by instilling fear in them. He's lying and doing whatever he wants, whenever. I am waiting to hear about spring break as well as how track season is supposed to work. I should get the petition regarding moving soon. I'm praying that once he sees I'm not backing down he'll let me go. 

I need a break. I want to work out. I want to get the basement cleaned out. I need to get rid of the clothes the baby just outgrew. But I don't know what to do with her while I get work done around the house. Not to mention the need for repairs. I need to fix the drywall in the bathroom. I need to paint in there as well. I need to paint near the fireplace. I need to get the carpet replaced in all the bedrooms. I need to get the mice taken care of. But I don't know where to start or how to find time for any of this. Where does one turn when you never get a break?

The baby will be 1 in about 3 weeks. I haven't been away from her more than a church service. And I feel like I'm drowning. Covid makes it worse because I don't want to take her anywhere because I don't want to normalize masks. We both need the socialization but it doesn't exist as we need it. Hopefully once this covid wave recedes we can get back to a maskless existence. 

Tomorrow I have the day off work. I hope to take time to get something done. We will see how much the little one cooperates. I feel overwhelmed with what needs to be done and when that happens I can end up paralyzed and do nothing. At least the house is clean upstairs. Now to declutter the 4th bedroom, basement and garage. Hopefully I can give some stuff away. 

2022

Welcome to 2022. I survived another year and we all became better people. At least, I like to think so. With a new year beginning, I have a lot of goals/pland swirling in my head. This will be my last year of my 30s and soon my baby will turn 1.

Let's start with the easy to write goals.

1. Get off the screens. Everyone in my family, except L because she doesn't use anything yet. I want to be more intentional about getting off social media. I will use my computer for work and then put it away. I will use my phone to read my Bible when I can't get out of bed. Instead of mindless scrolling, I will read more books. As L is able to sleep alone, I can start a morning devotional time. Even if it means cracking open the window shade and reading while she sleeps in the bed.

2. I will spend more time intentionally with each child. L is the easiest. I will make time each day to read to her, sing songs with her, and help her to explore her world. As the weather allows, I will get her outside to explore, go for walks in the stroller or with her walking. And as the year progresses, she might be able to help in the kitchen a little. I will ask the older ones to choose something to do with me at least once a week. Go for a walk, bake something together, whatever they want. I want to intentionally connect with them individually. 

3. I will restart exercising. I feel so much better when I move regularly. Since it's winter, that a little more difficult. But I will start with a goal of 30 minutes, 3 times a week. This could be a walk, hopping on the rowing machine, or doing some strength training. But I need to make this a priority for myself and my kids. What a good example to set for them of making health a priority.

And I will start with these goals for January. I will reevaluate in February if I am ready to add more goals. There are other things I'd like to consider, but I want to set myself up for success. Hopefully by prioritizing focusing on God, making more intentional connections with my kids, and improving my health, I will make some positive strides this year. God blessed my family abundantly last year and I'm looking forward to what He does this year when I am even more intentional about spending time learning about Him.