Alone again

I long to feel connected. To have friends that I get together with on a regular basis. To not always be the one to initiate plans. I am so tired of being so alone, but I don't know what to do anymore. So I'm thinking that I will stop trying. 

I exchanged numbers with some moms. One from the neighborhood last fall. I've met her at the park, had her over for plydates. But she has never initiated anything. Another mom from the library. I asked about going sledding. It didn't work that time, but she's never reached out. 

I had someone over Thursday. We were supposed to work on the basement. My drill died but in the time we worked I was able to see the knowledge she claimed to have was lacking. I had let her take the lead, and I now I likely need to redo the section we did and thus wasted 4hrs of work time.

I'm tired, I'm wrung out. I have failed at building a village for my kids. And so I really just want to go somewhere else. I long for a simple life, a farm where I can grow food, raise chickens. A place where my youngest can grow feeling close to nature. The schedule here makes me crazy and exhausted. I have had this longing for so many years. I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

God, I need You. Show me my steps today. Show me what You have prepared for me. I need Your guidance. Nothing seems to be working and I am exhausted yet can't sleep. Show me how to help my kids. I am feeling so lost.

Disaster, again

On Wed, February 22, a storm rolled in. It started as rain, but the temperature dropped and a coating of ice covered the trees. About 6:30, our power went out. The generator didn't turn on. I didn't think too much of it, we folded laundry by candlelight and went to bed. It was a stressful night as I worried about my phone dying before we heard about school. Luckily I could borrow a charger from my oldest. School was canceled because so many were without power.

I decided to call a locksmith because I couldn't get into the generator. As we waited for him, I called a company for the generator. They, by a miracle, arrived first and quickly opened the generator. I was able to cancel the locksmith and found out I had the correct key all along! Push down on the corner  then the key will work. 

When I went into the basement to find the number for the generator company, things quickly went from manageable to bad. The basement was filled with 2-3" of water. I asked my older 2 to pull everything they could out of the basement. We were able to save everything of value.

The generator was fixed, and shortly thereafter power was restored from the grid. But the ejector pump was overloaded by the amount of water and failed. So while we had gone out to let the water recede and the house warm up, the water just sat. I discovered the flipped breaker when we returned and then called a water restoration company to help. He came out and helped me troubleshoot to get the sump pump pushing the water out. It was mostly gone by 6:30. But the damage had been done, the drywall was soaked.

The ejector pump was fixed Friday morning and it pushed out the remaining water. That night, the extraction began. It's been a process, but now everything has been removed and the fans should come out today. I am waiting on the insurance company to find out what they will cover. And I look forward to the day that I can move our things back into the basement instead of living in chaos.

Only God is sustaining me through this. He sent 4 angels to help us move all our stuff into the garage on Sunday. I know He has a plan with all of this, so I'm just waiting to see what that is. I have been overwhelmed at times and I'm exhausted. But the people that God has placed to help have been amazing. I am looking forward to getting to the other side of yet another first time experience. My kids are going to be able to survive anything as adults after having been through 2 home disasters. Thank you for providing all that we need, God. And thank you for holding me in your hands.