Breast Cancer

I don't remember the exact timing of the announcement from my mother.  But I do remember the day of her surgery.  During a self exam, my mom found a small lump in her breast.  She went into the doctor and they did further testing and determined that it was indeed breast cancer.  My mom went in for the removal and they removed some lymph nodes to be tested.  I remember the phone call on the day of the surgery like it was yesterday.

I was at Augustana for preseason soccer.  Typically, the coaching staff required all phones to be silenced and left in our bags on the sidelines.  They understandably didn't want any distractions during our practices.  But the coach made an exception when I explained to him that I needed to be able to be reached.  So I gave my phone to the trainers so they could call me over if it rang.  At the end of practice, my phone rang.  I don't remember who in my family I spoke to, but they told me that the cancer was found in the lymph nodes.  After I hung up, I collapsed onto the field and cried.  My mom was only 53, not old enough to be dealing with cancer yet.  My teammates gathered around me and some of us prayed together.  I got in my car after practice to return home for a few days.

As a sophomore in college, I was only 18.  Selfishly, I imagined how much my mom would miss if I lost her.  When I was 13 I had lost my grandmother, her mom, to complications from her breast cancer treatment.  It was hard to believe that only 5 years later we were about to head down a similar road.  I did know that many advancements had been made and my mom was several years younger than my grandmother had been.  But this was hard news to handle.

I went home to be with my family as we found out the plans moving forward.  I don't remember what happened during that time but I know my head was spinning.  I helped my mom recover from her surgery for a few days and then headed back to school.  There wasn't much I could do as she faced radiation and began taking Tamoxifen.  I wish I could have been home though to sit with her and hug her more.  Somehow I was able to focus on soccer and school and be okay with just checking in on her treatment.

My mom was emotionally scarred from everything she went through.  After a double mastectomy, she was also physically scarred.  I don't think she ever fully recovered, battling with body image issues on and off for her remaining years.  I think about all of this often and have looked into genetic screening but my insurance company has denied the testing.  So for now I am left to rely on God's timing for everything along with striving to live a healthy, balanced life.