It's been 16 days since I've been able to give you a hug. I was able to see and talk to you in video 4 days ago. You seem to still be struggling with all the same things. The facility reports that you broke a peanut butter jar apart to scratch into your arm. Why don't you stop? Take control over your own body and stop hurting yourself. I really don't understand.
I spent another hour cleaning your room today, focusing on your closet. You had garbage in there, more food wrappers. Also just a lot of things you don't use. It's manageable now. I hope to finish your room in the next 2 weeks so you can come home to a more organized bedroom that will also give you fewer places to hide stuff.
I still don't understand how we got here. And I don't understand how you are still so trapped in negative attention seeking. I noticed an email come through on your phone today that suggests you have once again started another online blog to try to gain attention. I wish you would stop looking for attention from other people to fill your God sized hole. Only He can ultimately provide what you are looking for. Trust me, I tried so many other things. But He has brought me through so much and will guide you if you will follow Him. This is my prayer, that you will truly open your heart to God and let Him heal you. Begin to recognize the amazing talents that God has given you, and pour your energy into using your gifts as He intended.
I love you and my heart breaks to see you so lost and broken. I pray you begin to put in the work so you can come home and begin to make steps on a new life path. Your dreams are before you.
Love always,
Mom
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